# 106 11/05/01 Teach kids to reach out to other children

I have been writing about ways to help a child who has trouble making friends. I have addressed the importance of accepting oneself and learning social skills. This week, I will write about teaching a child to reach outside self to others.

Nothing makes a person less interesting than being totally self-absorbed. It is natural to think of our own needs first. It is even more likely that a child who is shy and does not know how to approach others will be thinking of his own needs and fears.

Jesus said it best when he taught his disciples the importance of being a servant. “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant and whoever wants to be first must be your slave – just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:26b-28.

How do we teach that lesson to a child who has trouble making friends? Surprisingly, this concept is easier to teach to a shy child than to one who seems to be in control of his world. The child who has had trouble with social interaction will tend to understand the feelings of others. He just needs someone to help him understand that all people have needs and insecurities.

When I was a high school counselor, I discovered that students who felt like outsiders believed that they were the only ones who felt that way. If a student were willing to play my little game, I taught them to observe, listen for signs of insecurities and then give positive affirmation to other students. It was amazing to see previously shy students as they began reaching out to others.

As they learned to look for signals that said, “I want to know that I am liked,” they learned to say something to make the other person feel better. Soon, they forgot that they were taller than most of their classmates, talked with a lisp or did not have the best clothes. Not only were they overlooking their own perceived inadequacies, they were making others feel good about themselves.

Can you help your child look beyond himself to the needs of others? This is exactly what Jesus told his disciples to do. By serving others, your child will become great.