# 277 02/14/05 Forgiveness has difficult concepts

Teaching a child about forgiveness is a monumental task. It involves concepts such as repentance and restitution that many adults do not fully understand. I will begin this week with the concept of repentance -a necessary component in asking for forgiveness.

Repentance involves such feelings as grief, remorse, anguish, torment, contrition and self-reproach. Those words characterize deep emotions. David captured the spirit of repentance in Psalm 51:3-4. He cried out to God, “For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge.” Read Psalm 51 in its entirety to feel the depth of contrition and torment that David felt as he confessed his sins of adultery and murder.

Understand that a toddler who takes a toy from his sister is not expected to be in anguish over his action. It is important, however, that he not be allowed to throw out a casual, “I’m sorry,” to close the issue. Parents who understand the concept of repentance will be better prepared to teach a child how to ask for forgiveness.

Using the example of the toddler who has taken a toy from his sister, the parent should first be sure that the child knows what he has done wrong. Ask him, “Do you know what you did that was wrong?” He may say, “I took her toy.” If he can say that, do not rephrase or repeat what he says. That would imply that his answer is inadequate. The parent can then help the child understand how his sister feels by asking, “Do you remember how you felt when Johnny took away the toy you were playing with?”

When his understanding of the act has been established, he should be taught to say, “I apologize. Will you forgive me?” Both sentences are very important. By apologizing, he is admitting that he did something wrong. By asking for forgiveness, he is acknowledging that he has hurt the other person who now has the option of forgiving him.

Teaching your child this skill will enhance his relationships now and as an adult. More importantly, he will know how to approach God in a spirit of true repentance.