#  425  12/17/2007  A Christmas gift that you write 

I have in my possession a few letters and notes that I have saved for years.  They are treasures to me because they very specifically compliment me.  One is a note from my dad after I had been the guest speaker at his service club.  He did not just say, “Good job.”  He went into detail about what I had done that he deemed worthy of praise.  A few are notes from students who thanked me for something that I had done or said to them.  Those notes recall my exact words and tell the effect of those words.

Before you decide that I am terribly vain and prideful about complimentary notes, let me explain.  Suppose someone receives a note that gives a specific compliment such as “I saw you give your brother half of the candy bar you got at school−and he didn’t even ask!”  That comment affirms a higher part of his nature, one that he does not always display.  The next time he is considering whether he should share, he will remember that you caught him being good.  He will want to live up to your opinion of him.  Every time that I prepare to speak to a group, I recall the note my dad wrote.  I want to speak as well as he said I did that day.

Christmas is just around the corner.  No matter what else you are giving, one of the nicest gifts you can give is a written note about the recipient.  Consider doing that this year for a child, grandchild, spouse or friend.

You do not need to write elaborately or even grammatically correct.  You do need to be specific.  Instead of saying, “You are such a responsible young man,” say, “I noticed that you kept the money from your popcorn sales organized.”  Do not say, “You are learning to control your temper.”  Say, “I saw your cousin hit you, and all you did was say, ‘What was that about?’ rather than hitting back.”

If you just spend a little time this year, you should be able to make a note that is meaningful.  Next year, you can spend twelve months “collecting evidence” for the letter you will write for the Christmas of 2008.  Can you think of a better tradition to begin for your children and grandchildren?