# 156 10/21/02 Goal-setting skills can help preschooler who needs to break a habit

I have been writing about decision-making and goal-setting skills. I want to show how these skills can be taught to a preschooler who needs to break a bad habit.

Preschoolers often develop habits that are difficult to break. Examples are thumb sucking, pacifier sucking, hair twisting and various mannerisms such as grimacing.

It is usually better to tolerate a habit until the child is four. It is difficult to reason with a younger child. If parents make an issue of the behavior before age four, a power struggle may develop. That makes it difficult to break the habit later.

As your child approaches the age of four, begin to talk to him about the behavior and the consequences of continuing it. Explain to him that his friends will be watching his behavior rather than playing with him. Tell him that sometimes children might say things about the habit that will make him unhappy. Set a target date to break the habit.

Tell your child that a habit is something that a person does without thinking just because he has been doing it for a long time. Remind him that God wants him to be free of harmful habits and will help him when he is ready to break free of the habit. Make sure that he understands that he has the ability to break the habit with God’s help. “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13. Pray with him about his plans to change his behavior.

Small children cannot function with a long-term goal such as “I will never suck my thumb again.” The goal needs to be broken into smaller segments. Set up a chart with a block for each thirty minutes during the waking hours of a week (7:30 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. would have twenty-six time blocks per day). Plan this when he will be with you rather than in the care of someone else.

At the end of each time block, have him report on his progress. Remember that he is in charge of this - you must not be the “thumb-sucking patrol.” When he is successful, he may choose a sticker to put on the chart. When he is not successful, encourage him to try again in the next time slot. The rewards should come for a cumulative number of stickers, not for perfection. For example, seven stickers might earn him a choice of a special treat at snack time, and twenty-one stickers might earn a Saturday visit to the park of his choice.

Praise for success. Encourage when there is failure. Let it be his project. Soon the habit will be gone, and the whole family can enjoy a celebration.